


Out of the Dumpster, Into the Recycling Bin

by grey2510



Series: Elevator Music [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: (but nothing on screen), Episode: s04e07 It's the Great Pumpkin Sam Winchester, Episode: s05e04 The End, Episode: s11e01 Out of the Darkness Into the Fire, Luchadors, Not RPF, Other, These are not the actors, eldritch creature, minor references to denny and destiel, references to a/b/o tropes/past experiences, references to past episodes, references to season 08 and purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 02:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19861918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey2510/pseuds/grey2510
Summary: Miguel the Luchador decides to stomp the pavement for a new role in a Supernatural story. With his trusty eldritch being by his side, he strides forth into the casting room, where he meets some familiar faces trying out for some new roles themselves.





	Out of the Dumpster, Into the Recycling Bin

**Author's Note:**

> Just a note, this isn't RPF. The characters you see here are Characters. Castiel is some/all versions of Cas, not Misha; Benny/Eli isn't Ty, etc.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Miguel says, stepping back from the man he just walked into at the same time PLGURTHRLLYLC's tentacley something wraps around his arm, just under the elbow, to keep him from falling on his red-legginged ass.

"Don't worry." The man turns and gives him a brilliant smile that is only overshone by his very, very blue eyes. Holy shit, they're _stunning_ up close. Miguel swallows, both out of appreciation and out of sheer embarrassment that he's just knocked into _Castiel_. 

Well, the man is sort of Castiel. Miguel can hear traces of Jimmy Novak in the man's voice, which is perhaps a skosh higher than Cas' usual gravel, and there is something about the grin that makes Miguel think of some grungy stoners he's known in his day. But, more than anything, he is Cas, trenchcoat and all.

 _PLGURTHRLLYLC IS PLEASED TO SEE YOU, CASTIEL-SHAPED BEING. YOUR WINGS AND MANY ETHEREAL EYES AND APPENDAGES APPEAR TO BE DOING WELL. THEY ARE VERY IMPRESSIVE._

"You, too, PLGURTHRLLYLC," Castiel-ish replies, the syllables rolling off his tongue in a way that makes Miguel more than a little jealous. "Are you two heading to casting?"

"Yeah, we're, uh," Miguel explains eloquently, geturing vaguely with his hands. 

Castiel-ish nods before pointing at the door he's just come out of, which has a torn piece of notebook paper taped to it that reads, in super unhelpful yellow crayon, VARIATIONS ON A THEME. "I'm guessing you don't want this one. You would've gotten a special summons if your character is the same but there's a new twist: becoming a demon, soullessness…" He trails off, then juts a thumb down the hall. "Recycling Center's down there."

"Recycling…?"

"Recasting, recycling," Castiel-ish shrugs. He claps Miguel on the shoulder. "Good luck! PLGURTHRLLYLC, always a pleasure."

 _INDEED, CASTIEL-SHAPED BEING. PLGURTHRLLYLC LOOKS FORWARD TO MEETING AGAIN._

Castiel-ish waves and walks away while Miguel tries to shake himself out of his starstruck idiocy. "C'mon, honeybuns," he says, trying for way more bravado and confidence than he feels, "let's get ourselves some roles."

 _PLGURTHRLLYLC IS NOT A PASTRY AND HAS NO BUNS OF ANY KIND, HUMAN-MIGUEL._

He blushes, though thankfully his luchador mask hides the worst of it. Not that he thinks it really helps; he's pretty sure PLGURTHRLLYLC can tell anyway. "It's…" He shakes his head. How does one even begin to explain human terms of endearment to an eldritch monstrosity? "It's nothing."

 _CLEARLY NOT. PLGURTHRLLYLC IS AN AGELESS BEING AND HAS SEEN AND HEARD MANY THINGS. PLGURTHRLLYLC BELIEVES THE PHRASE IS "TRY ME."_

He snorts. "Fine. It's, uh, something people sometimes say to people...or beings...they, uh, like. It's supposed to be sweet."

 _LIKE THE HONEY. THAT MAKES SENSE. BUT WHY DO HUMANS NEED TO COMPARE THEIR PARTNERS TO PASTRIES?_

"I dunno. People like pastries." He shrugs. "I won't do it anymore if you don't like it."

Next to him, he can sense PLGURTHRLLYLC thinking. (Brooding? Mulling things over? What's even the appropriate term for a being such as them?) 

_IF THAT IS WHAT MAKES HUMAN-MIGUEL HAPPY, PLGURTHRLLYLC WOULD BE GLAD TO BE COMPARED TO BAKED GOODS._

"Uh, yeah, great." He can feel the dopey grin spreading under his mask, so he coughs and squares his shoulders like nothing has happened, then marches down to the Recycling Center with the tentacle monster love of his fucking weird-ass life following along behind.

The Recycling Center is aptly named: Miguel can see the remains of a Coldest Hits banner beneath two clumsily taped up signs, one reading NEW CHARACTERS, OLD FACES and the other OLD CHARACTERS, NEW FACES. The usually mostly empty waiting room is more packed than Miguel has ever seen it. Even the cooler of cucumber water is looking lower than usual and there are a fair amount of Dixie cups in the recycling bin next to it. Beneath the two signs are plastic folding tables, and at each sits an unremarkably average-looking woman who is completely interchangeable with the other. A few feet before each table are deli counter ticket dispensers. Miguel walks up to the dispenser in front of the NEW CHARACTERS, OLD FACES table, takes a ticket—87—and finds them two empty seats in the corner of the room.

"You're not getting a ticket?"

 _PLGURTHRLLYLC WILL BE OR NOT BE IN STORIES REGARDLESS OF TICKETS._

"Bully for you."

 _BEING A BEING SUCH AS THIS DOES HAVE ITS ADVANTAGES. BUT MORAL SUPPORT FOR HUMAN FRIENDS IN THEIR ENDEAVORS IS AN IMPORTANT REASON TO COME._

"Thanks, man," he says, reaching over to put a hand on something vaguely resembling a knee while a tentacle thing curls around his shoulders.

The woman in the chair perpendicular to his smiles at them. "You're a lucky man. My last spouse died from eating cursed candy with razor blades in it." She sighs wistfully and Miguel wonders how to tactfully deal with this revelation.

"S-sorry to hear that." He grimaces, hating the slight questioning uplift at the end of his condolences. 

She waves a hand. "Don't worry about it." In her other hand is a script, which she angles towards him. "This is way juicier." The title page reads OUT OF THE DARKNESS, INTO THE FIRE, and she quickly flips to a page she's already started marking up with yellow highlighter. "I even get a first name—Marnie! No more Mrs. Wallace. And," she lowers her voice, leaning in towards Miguel, "there's an _orgy_."

"Um."

She grins. "I mean, the orgy scene isn't really _me_ , Marnie. It's actually Crowley possessing me, but it's gonna be _fun_."

"That's, uh, great. So you get to be the King of Hell, too?" It's pretty impressive, actually. 

"Yup," Marnie says, popping the p. "Just waiting on them to give me the Crowley scenes they want me to watch as research, so I can get into character."

"NUMBER EIGHTY-THREE!" the woman at the New Characters table calls.

"Oh, that's me!" Marnie chirps, gathering her things and hurrying up to the table.

 _SHE SEEMS INTERESTING._

"Think she can pull it off? Crowley's kinda big shoes to fill."

 _PLGURTHRLLYLC THINKS SHE WOULD MAKE AN EXCELLENT KING OF HELL. IF THE CURRENT HUMAN FORM NO LONGER WANTED TO PLAY THE PART, THERE WOULD BE STIFF COMPETITION FOR RECASTING._

Miguel arches an eyebrow, idly wondering how PLGURTHRLLYLC always seems to know all the inside scoops. "Oh yeah? Who else would she be up against?"

 _BETTY WHITE._

He is suddenly glad he'd skipped the cucumber water today. A spit-take in the middle of the casting room probably wouldn't improve his chances of getting a good role. "Betty White. Sure."

Before he can follow that up with another question, a burly dude plunks himself down into Marnie's former seat, giving Miguel a quick once-over. "Nice cape."

Miguel bristles. "Thanks."

Burly dude holds up his hands in surrender, one of which is curled around a rolled packet of papers. "Didn't mean nothing by it."

Miguel nods and then digs his phone out of a discreet pocket sewn into his costume and begins tapping away at some silly puzzle game while numbers get called at both tables. 

"Aw hell," burly dude lets out a few moments later. 

Miguel glances over to see him frowning at the script, and he wonders if the guy's been roped into that same A/B/O nonsense he'd had to do last time he was here. 

"I'm a vampire _again_? I got range, _cher_!" Somehow, the last bit comes out in what sounds like a Louisiana drawl. Burly dude doesn't seem to notice his accent shift, and instead just tosses the script onto the end table in the corner between his chair and Miguel's. PLGURTHRLLYLC's tentacley bit unfurls from Miguel's shoulder and snakes towards the script. Burly dude notices, shrugs, and silently approves PLGURTHRLLYLC's snooping. "I hate being pigeon-holed," he laments to Miguel. "Just 'cause I played a vampire before doesn't mean that's _all_ I can do." 

"Try being a luchador."

Burly dude snorts. "Yeah, you got me beat there." He sticks out a hand. "Benny. Formerly Eli."

Miguel shakes it. "Miguel. Temporarily Carlos, but almost always Miguel." He taps a blurry appendage with the back of his hand. "This is PLGURTHRLLYLC."

" _Enchanté_ ," Benny drawls, but somehow he really does sound charmed.

 _IT APPEARS YOU WILL BE IN PURGATORY QUITE A BIT, VAMPIRE BENNY-FORMERLY-ELI._

"Yeah, playing Dean's rebound when I'm not mediating a lovers quarrel and hacking through monsters to escape." He pauses, frowning. "No offense."

 _NONE TAKEN. HAVE YOU BEEN TO PURGATORY BEFORE? PLGURTHRLLYLC USED TO VACATION THERE MANY YEARS AGO TO SEE BRETHREN._

"Nah, never been. Any places I should hit up while I'm there? See the sights?"

 _IT IS CERTAINLY WORTH EXPLORING. THERE ARE MANY LESSER BEINGS TO EAT, BUT THERE ARE OTHER PLACES TO GO AND SEE IF YOU DO NOT WISH ONLY TO FEED._

"Sounds delightful," Benny chuckles, leaning forward in his chair.

"EIGHTY-SEVEN!" the woman at his table calls.

Miguel stands up, straightening his cape behind him. "Back in a sec."

 _GOOD LUCK, HUMAN-MIGUEL._

"Thanks," he smiles, leaving Benny and PLGURTHRLLYLC to their travel plans.

The woman at the table looks up at him blandly when he approaches. "Name."

"Miguel."

"Former roles?"

"Luchador a few times. Also Carlos, one of Dean's love interests before he meets Cas."

The woman frowns, shuffling through her untidy stacks of paperwork. "Occupation?"

"Luchador, like I said, but I can do a lot more than that. I—"

"Ah, yes," she interrupts, pulling out a sheaf. "Found you." She adjusts her glasses and begins to read the document.

"I—"

"Sh." She holds up a silencing finger and he snaps his mouth shut. "Hm. Interesting." Before he can ask, she takes a giant rubber stamp from beside her and slams it on the papers. In blocky, red letters his papers now read DENIED. AU/NON-CANON ONLY.

"Uh, denied? What does that mean?" He can feel the hysteria rising in his voice. 

She sighs, looking very put upon that he would dare to ask a question. "It _means_ ," she says, the condescension dripping from every word, "that since you haven't had any on-screen canonical appearances, you don't qualify for this recycling program."

"What?! But I've worked here before!"

"Yes, but only in the Coldest Hits program."

Miguel places his palms on the table, leaning forward. "Are you telling me," he says, low and angrily, "that I had a _self-lubricating butthole_ last time for nothing?!"

"Sir—"

"Don't 'Sir' me! That was— I demand—" He stops himself, straightens up, and glares at the woman, then at everyone else in the room. "I'll see you all in Hell."

 _CAN WE STOP IN PURGATORY FIRST, HUMAN-MIGUEL?_

**Author's Note:**

> Oh hey there! It's [Coldest Hits](https://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/post/185550869170/july-2019-prompt-recycle-like-chuck-posting-dates) so if you were utterly confused, don't worry, it's not you, it's me.
> 
> I'm not playing to win this month so feel free to leave me all those lovely comments and kudos.
> 
> Check out my other works (sorted by series for easier navigation):  
> [Grey's works](http://archiveofourown.org/users/grey2510/series)  
> Come visit me on Tumblr! @[grey2510](https://grey2510.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
